When I first moved to Los Angeles, my first goal was to get into every exclusive club without paying. Also, to learn how to make new friends and meet people. It took a long time and even more rejection than I was expecting. Turns out these door people can be quite ruthless.
One time, right before I moved, I tried to get into this club in West Hollywood and I used every line I could think of, this door guy was not having it. He wanted 200$ to just walk in, I said absolutely not. I tried to go through promoters to get in and he actually said everyone but that guy (me) can come in. I couldn’t think of what to do, then he asked one of the security guys to escort me out of the property. I was shocked.
Then, I started to befriend these promoters and actually hung out with a lot of them outside of the night club. So I knew I was doing something right. I was able to talk to all these door staff that use to reject all the time, and now, they are my friends and always let me in, it was a pretty remarkable switch.
Then, overtime, I started to get into the most exclusive parties, clubs, restaurants, and lounges. Periodically, I would go to the venues that anyone would be able to go to.
Something negative was starting to settle within me and it became a virus.
I found that the words I say were similar to some of these
nightlife people, and they were not healthy. I know you want some examples,
here ya go:
“She is not hot enough to sit at our table” – It was common that promoters would go to local colleges, malls, shops, etc to recruit girls to walk in with them which would paint the image that their table is amazing. Which then entices people to buy bottles because it implies that you will be around all these girls.
“Who are you sitting with?” – A weird one, I know, but depending on which table you were sitting at implied how well-connected you were. Closer to the middle or DJ booth were the top ones, because they were more isolated and often closer to celebrities when they were there.
This blog is not going to teach you exactly how and what I did to get into all these clubs without paying and without promoters. However, I will show you a lot of the internal things I went through to get there and how i learned how to make friends.
Enough digression let’s get back to the main point. With all these words I was saying and the people I was hanging out with, I developed this brutal nasty thing called:
Let’s hope you don’t have to go through this the hard way like I did, but I would guess majority of people either have one and do not know they do, have one and realize it’s the one thing holding them back the most, have one and own it, or, where I currently am, continuously working on it get it to stop steering their choices.
What this blog will teach you is once you do get some metric of success, that your ego will not take over and think you are better than any one or any experience. This is a huge problem that people experience when they are learning how to make new friends.
There are ways to pre-emptively stop the ego for taking too far over.
Your vibe is your tribe
When you hang out with people and they are all very successful, YET HUMBLE, you will be like that and that is exactly what I did. I no longer feel the need to self-qualify myself in any way because of my current crew. I talk plenty more about this in a future post.
If you have read any of my other posts, you would definitely know I am a GIANT advocate for meditation. If you meditate and come from a place of gratitude and empathy, which I talk about here, you will never feel the need to self-qualify, or prove yourself, to others because you are already in a peaceful place. This will then condition your subconscious, again I dive deep about here.
You will also be able to identify those with nasty egos and realize they are like someone who still bullies people after high school. People just look at them and think, “what are you doing? Why do you feel the need to do this?” It’s embarrassing.
If you are unsure about your current crew
The biggest thing that you should be aware of is simply the language that they are using.
If your current crew is walking around a mall, beach, or a hike (LA things) and they constantly say small comments like “what the hell are those people wearing,” “they need to cool it on the surgery (also LA things),” or anything of the like. They may seem innocent, but you will notice overtime that you will being to do that, and it is a nasty spiral that will eventually lead to a nasty self-qualifying ego.
Disrespecting servers, hosts, etc
This is a big one for me especially if I’m on a date and the girl is just giving unneeded attitude to the server. For me, it’s a borderline deal breaker. Also, I look at friends completely different and begin to distance myself if they ever treat someone in the hospitality business with disrespect without given a reason to act that way.
Your friends are constantly asking you to compliment them, directly or indirectly. You do not need anyone’s validation to live your best life.
These three ways are some great ways to initially identify if your crew is in a nasty negative space. I am not asking to ditch them altogether, but just simply being aware of the words they say is a huge step on avoiding an egocentric mentality.
Let’s say you are like me and you reached some success, developed an ego, and are now aware by trying to “cleanse” it. Fortunately, there is a great book by Ryan Holiday called Ego is the Enemy. Somewhat fitting to this article, don’t you think?
It’s actually a perfect reference to this entire post. I loved the book and it gave some actual practical ways to cleanse it.
Here are a few that I did, that I saw progress on:
I found after reading this book that a great way to categorize your crew is dividing them up in 3 separate groups.
One-Third of them are those you can help or teach. When you can help or teach someone you will get huge hits of dopamine, which I will be talking a lot about as well, as well as practicing empathy. Empathy is a huge characteristic that I try to use everyday and has helped me in more ways than I could have imagined. I wrote an entire article about it here.
One-Third of them are “equal.” These are the ones that you push each other with in any aspect of life whether it is health/fitness, professional, or social. Very important to stay motivated and push yourself everyday to grow.
The last third is the ones who are “greater” than you. These will be your teachers, mentors, parents, etc. You look up to them for advice and aspire to be as successful as them in some area of life.
Always be learning
You should never stop learning after high school, college, or any formal institution. This will always keep you humble and never in the headspace to self-qualify, a great quality on the process of learning how to make friends. This will also show you that you will never “make it,” meaning you are done learning. There is always something you can grow on.
Embrace all criticism
This one was very tough one me to learn. It’s very humbling and there are sometimes days where you really just don’t want to hear every little thing you are doing wrong. Of course, this is your ego talking and you should really let that criticism in. You may be oblivious or, in my case, stubborn to hear all your critiques.
With this article I hope I showed you different ways that you or your crew may be displaying signs of egocentric mentality, identifying it, then hopefully cleansing it. Also, learn how to make friends by pre-emptively doing a variety of techniques you will stop the ego from taking over. The practicality of cleansing one’s ego is very difficult cause, like all things in life worth doing, takes time.
I will be working on it constantly and to this day as you’re reading it. I am grateful that I was able to identify this early in my life and showed you the exact ways that I was able to identify it and begin my cleansing process.
I would love to your top ego-related story, whether it is you trying to attempt it or someone you know that is displaying the ways I listed above!